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Itapos;s weekends like this that leave me feeling like Iapos;m being lied to/betrayed in a way. Betrayed is more of a harsh word Iapos;d rather not use but whatever. I know Iapos;m being ridiculous, and Iapos;m 99.9 positive this is a bunch a bullshit on my part but thereapos;s still that .1 I guess thatapos;s a what if sort of thing that just stays in the back of my mind when I get all PMS-y. I feel like I did in late August. Fucking horrible feeling, FYI.


I need a change in scenery.

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�Eilinen oli kylla taydelline pettymys. Luulin, etta ne ois yrittany kaikkensa et ne paasis tulemaan, kun kyseessa oli kuitenkin yksi niista harvoista kerroista jolloin paastais nakemaan, ennen kuin lahden kotiin. Mutta suurimmalta osalta niista ei herunut edes mitaan hyvia syita poissaoloon.

Yritin siis jarkata itelleni pienet laksiaiset eilen. Kutsuin kymmenen lahinta kaveria, ja tasan yksi tuli. Kiitos Jacob, vaikka ei se kauheesti kylla piristanyt enaa siina vaiheessa kun Kezh illalla joskus kahdeksaan aikaan laittaa viestin, et sori se ei voi tulla. Ja niiden laksiaisten oli siis tarkoitus olla 12-16 aikaan iltapaivalla. Meni kylla usko kaveruuteen eilen, vielakin tekisi mieli pamauttaa niille, etta joo enpa tuukaan keskiviikkona. Heippa ja oli tosi kiva tavata. Ei varmaan tuntuis niistakaan kivalta. Suurin osa kun naytti laskelmoivan sen varaan, et kayn keskiviikkona koululla.�Luulin, et olisin naiden viimeisten 7 kk aikana saanut parempia ystavia. Mutta ilmeisesti ne haluu olla mun kavereita vaan sillon ku niille itselleen sopii. Ironista on se, etta sain sielta Safarilta kahdessa viikossa parempia kavereita ku taalta 7 kuukauden aikana, ja mulla on mun safarikavereita tosi kova ikava.

Etta sellaista. Tanaan en siis ole koulussa, enka mene huomennakaan. Perjantai oli mun vika virallinen paiva. Huomenna meen varmaan Cityyn pariksi tunniksi. Pitais ostaa farkut ja kengat ja pari paitaa + laukku ku mun oma on rikki. Ei vaan kuitenkaan viihti kauheasti ostaa, kun ne pitaa kaikki raahata takaisin. Mulla on jo nelja pahvilaatikkoa pakattuna, kolme pienta ja yksi iso. Ja sitten tietty matkalaukku, joka on suurimmaksi osaksi taynna tuliaisia ja suklaata. Laitan sinne niin paljon vaatteita ku paino sietaa, varmaan pari kiloa yritan jattaa tyhjaksi Sydneyta varten. Sitten loput menee aidin matkalaukkuun, se oli jattanyt mulle kivasti tilaa. <3 Tuntuu ihan oudolta, et naan niita jo ylihuomenna

Muutenki oon tosi iloisella ja jannittyneella mielella palaamassa kotiin. En oo yhtaan surullinen tan elaman jattamisesta, se ikava tulee sit varmaan jalkikateen jos tulee. Kavereitakaan en usko et tulee ihan yhta ikava ton eilisen jalkeen, olin vaan niin pettynyt niihin. Valilla tosin iskee pakokauhu, et miten sita parjaa taas Suomessa. Siella on kylmaa ja markaa ja pimeaa ja pitaa jattaa taa ihana lampo. Toki on ihana nahda Suomi, perhe, sukulaiset, kaverit, koulu ja kaikki muukin. Kavereiden tapaaminen tosin jannittaa ehka eniten sen kulttuurishokin lisaksi. Perhe ja sukulaiset kun pysyy kohtalaisen samana, niiden kanssa suhteet on paljon kiinteempia. Mutta kaverit muuttuu, ja voi olla etta jotku mun kavereista jotka oli kavereita keskenaan silloin kun lahdin, eivat enaa olekaan kavereita. Voi myos olla, etta mina olen muuttunut niin, etten enaa sovikaan meidan kaveriporukkaan. Ja kulttuurishokkihan mulle aika varmasti tulee, varsinkin kun ekan neljan viikon aikana ei ole niin paljon tekemista, kun kouluun menen vasta joulukuun alussa. Aion tosin aloittaa autokoulun niin pian kuin vain suinkin mahdollista. Toita en ehka viitsi hankkia, kun ei mulla niihin riita sitten aika kun koulu taas alkaa. Ma kumminkin kirjoitan englannin jo ensi kevaana, niin kirjoituksillekin pitaa alkaa uhrata aikaa ja ajatuksia. Tuon neljan viikon aikana ajattelin kuitenkin kayda ainakin yhdessa koiranayttelyssa ja aloittaa jonkun uuden harrastuksen. Musta tuntuu, etta tan viimeisen kuukauden aikana oon lihonu jonkin verran. Ikava kylla. Ironista on se, etta saastyin vaihtarikiloilta yli 7 kuukautta, ja nyt sit just ennen ku meen kotiin ni aloin lihomaan. :D Varmaan johtuu siita, ku lopetin kuntosalilla kaynnin syyskuussa, kun jasenyys loppui ja ei ollu mitaan jarkea ostaa uutta kun ei olisi enaa aikaa kaymaan, kun oli loma ja se Safari jne.

Innolla odotan myos sita, kun paastaan aidin kanssa Mallulle viideksi paivaksi heti Suomeen paluun jalkeen. <3 Tehtiin jo suunnitelmia ruokien suhteen ja Mallu lupas tuoda mulle Hilman ja ruisleipaa vastaan kentalle. :b Ekana paivana on siis ohjelmassa pottuja, lihapullia ja salaattia lounaaksi, riisia ja kanaa illalliseksi, sauna ja siiderit palan painikkeeksi ja sitten baariin. :D Seuraavien paivien aikana olisi sitten tarkoitus nahda muutamia sukulaisia ja Elinaa ja ottaa vain ihan rennosti (nukkua jet lag ja krapula pois). Sitten KOTIINKOTIIN. <3

Mut nyt meen kehittaan jotain kehittavampaa tekemista. Ehka meen lenkille karistamaan kaloreita. :D

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My playful, friendly, neurotic and obsessive compulsive 5 year old mutt needs to be paid for all his hard work outside the house. Like most dogs, Derek loves to chase squirrels. Unlike most dogs, he's so obsessive about them to the point of forgetting why we're outside in the first place - to empty his system. It's gotten so bad that he's be chasing them across the street and almost was hit by a car the other day. So, here's my offer:

If you are looking for a dog that will ensure the area pests are not in your yard, Derek is all yours during the day. In return, you give me peace of mind that he's not going to be hit by a car and he'll be tired in the evening when I return home.

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Hi.�My�name is�Brenda. My friends say that iapos;m crazy/mad whatever. Anyway, iapos;m a nice person, i like to�have a lot of hahaha when conversing with my friends. I like to laugh, sleep a lot. Iapos;m can be a hyperactive person at timesI play Netball and iapos;m in choir as well. Kind of weird actually. Haha well, nevermind. Everyone has their artistic side rrriightttt. Ok, thatapos;s for all. Add me if you want to, but prease let me know your name. Xoxo.


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If you know (partially or fully) that and/or why I left AMA, do me the epic flavor of not talkinapos; about it to the "public," periodfullstop. Youapos;re all peaches and I do appreciate you defending and/or sweetly mentioning me and/or having my back in general and/or updating me, but Iapos;m really okay with not with a bang but a whispering out.

In essence, ILU, but no moar. When I get linked to stuff, Iapos;m way too much a pussy to handle it going sour and catty. Le sigh But true

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Bad news, good news time.� The bad news is that we have officially run out of work, which means that our session will be ending two days early.� The good news is that that means Iapos;ll be coming home slightly earlier than expected.� Our last day of work is Monday (weapos;re filling the time by cleaning the trucks, going over paperwork, and returning the trucks to Ft. Collins). So, Iapos;ll probably be leaving on Tuesday.� I guess itapos;ll take two of three days to get home, so I oughta be enjoying the So-Cal sun by Thursday at the latest.

So, today was my last day in the field.� We havenapos;t been excavating at all this session, though.� Instead, weapos;ve been helping the DECAM�crew (theyapos;re the archaeologists permanently employed by Ft. Carson) record sites.� The nice thing about this was that I learned a new skill - map-making, using a GPS.� So, thatapos;s going on the resume.�

Oh, and the other day, we were doing pedestrian survey, and it snowed on us� Just briefly - a little flurry, really, but still� It never got above 38 that whole day.� Today, on the other hand, it was nice and warm.� Plus, this last site we recorded was really great.� We started out recording some historic structures, then, walking up this hill, found some lithics.� There had been a survey there years ago, but it was merely recorded as a lithic scatter, which is basically a few flakes, nothing overly interesting. But when we got to the top of the hill, we found that it was actually a huge site.� One woman on our crew found four points� There were several other stone tools besides, and even a few metates (grinding stones).� All in all, it was very cool.� Always nice to go out on a high note.

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I forgot a few things that i meant to put in the past post...i was just going to leave it out but damn it- i cant get to sleep without putting it out there for some reason and it frustrated me enough to get my ass outta bed for five seconds to throw it out here...

I have sunday off... I didnt know that...i really want to hang with anson for once. But i dont think that will happen...last time we were supossed to hang..he was sick.. But he count even bother to call.. Or text but he probably dont have text...but i try to call him and never an answer....why bother giving me a number that is nto answered or anything? maybe im just being too judgmental..but i guess we shall see what happens.. I hope he calls suncday...wanting to hang before work or something....but who knows....yea.. He has other friends to hang with but i dont...so yea...sorry for being crazy


i still feel like im forgetting something...but maybe now i can at least reas a bit

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I�just jumped on the scale this morning. Getting only a couple of hours sleep since I am going to the Urbanathlon in Chicago tomorrow with my two year old, Hana.
Still weigh the same as yesterday F--- F--- F--- This sucks. And, I even worked out tonight. I�burned 700 calories then swam laps for 20 min. I�hate myself right now. And, will be seeing Danny (mr. Perfect body) tomorrow.
I feel sorry for him to be stuck with such a fat ass. I am so obese.....and why he doesnapos;t want to find better is beyond me I simply donapos;t get it.
CW: 172
LW: 102
HW: 220
GW:110
I am supposed to be talking with this guy from the gym about this new supplement that works better than ephedra. We shall see. Anything is worth a try at this point. As long as it is legal....I donapos;t care.

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okay, so i was completely wrong.
thinking i couldnapos;t cry anymore.
because now itapos;s just coming and coming,
and wonapos;t stop.



Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then youapos;ve walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where weapos;d be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like youapos;d never let it go?
Remember, cause thatapos;s all you can do.
Weapos;ll never make another memory,
Weapos;ll never make another memory.
I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldnapos;t have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I donapos;t share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
Iapos;m just sorry that it wasnapos;t enough.
So, weapos;ll go our own ways,
And hopefully youapos;ll remember these things Iapos;ve told you,
Hopefully youapos;ll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess Iapos;ve learned from it.
But arenapos;t you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I donapos;t consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didnapos;t end this way,
Cause Iapos;m still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like youapos;d never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where weapos;d be a year from now?

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